Apr 7, 2010

Speak da' Truth

*The title for this post was inspired by the troll-lovers in my RP horde guild. An entire afternoon spent reading troll-flavored common has rotted my brain.

**The renaming of this blog was approved by Bossy Pally herself.

***I think I've worked the kinks out of the feed above with loot/achievement junk. LOOK FACEROLLER YESSSSSSS (I will never have that on my druid it seems).

If I were to pick words out of the ether to describe myself, I often use words that communicate a flash point. I am like an unstable mixture waiting for one movement, one change in temperature, one change in light to burst into reaction. It's very strange, really. Mostly I try to be a calm and rational being, and most people consider me to be dull and or boring in the real world. But oh do I react to things, even when I hide those reactions. (I feel sorry for my vent companions in heroics, especially lately. I'm a ranting monster about people pulling off my tanks, healers healing too early, etc.)

I agonized the first time I broke my long-term guild contract in warcraft. It's where I learned what DPS was, and became aware of this wider facet of the game than the single player aspect. Sure I chatted and socialized, but some over-reaching goals became clearer to me. I developed a sense of community, and really grew attached to people in the game.

Eventually I landed into a more relaxed atmosphere with really great players on the same server and even though only one of my toons was there, I made sure they knew if they ever needed me or any of on my toons, if I could I would be there. It's worked out well for me and for them I think. We killed Putricide finally. We can 2 heal the entire first wing of ICC10. We have a blast.

But recently as my old home really broke up some have found their way into this haven of mine. Sure I still have my alt-bank guild. Sure I still pug raids with my other 80s and each of them seems to be gaining a solid rep. But I had grown to like the atmosphere of my new home. (Bank guilds are a tad boring!). However, many of the people I really cherished as people, but hated to raid with, have found their way in. I'm glad they're having fun, I'm glad the guild is growing, I'm glad the leaders have bigger goals in mind and are moving in the right direction for them. But...

The push for progression two weeks ago led to a mini-spaz session of mine. And I had to reclaim my inner-understanding that I am not tied to a raid for any reason. It's fun, and I like the people, or it's not (and in that case why am I there?). The RL pushed hard, really really hard, on a progression kill, to the point where people that at the start of the raid had been promised 6 emblems had only gotten 5, the free emblem was still available, but raiders had to start leaving. And the RL wanted to pug new fillers in, which unfortunately would only have resulted in locking them to an unproductive raid, and given them no loot, not even one emblem, to show for it.

I objected. Pretty loudly (using the above language too). And after the fifth wipe, and the third replacement when it became obvious more people had to leave, I finally left myself. I let the raid leader know I didn't want to be part of a raid locking people to the ID that didn't get jack done.

I got over it pretty quick, though I'm pretty sure the raid leader has me on his unhappy list. I do like everyone in the guild, and while I may object to some things, I like to think my solid support outweighs it all. But I'm getting the feeling that my quiet support is taken for granted or just plain unappreciated. And after ditching a guild VOA raid full of whiny bad attitudes trying to get gear for alts (and being pissed if any other guildy dared suggest bringing the same class alt as competition for gear), I got a stern talking to. It ended when I pointed out "look, I'm not being difficult. I'm not being demanding. This is just me. I'm vocal and when I don't like something I say it. I am not trying to instigate drama." and I couldn't resist adding "ask the ex-guildies that just joined us" and before I could continue he said yeah he had been hearing about it.

So now I want to rant and cry like a spoiled child. I was here first and yet ex-now-new-guildies are talking bad about me and my "attitude".

There's this aura hanging over me, and it finally led to a required renaming of the blog. I was inspired by Bossy Pally herself. I also spent freaking 45min searching every blog post I had read in the past month about paladins to share a specific link with a friend. Determination and stubbornness, I sometimes have it.

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